The Subtle Art of Not Giving A...

Every once in awhile I read a book that I just can't wait to post on with my monthly "reads review".  This is one of those books.  This book had been on my "to read" list for awhile.  It also is on other's TBR list as my husband and I had to wait over a month to get one of the 8 books our local library has for borrowing.  We have been trying to read books together every couple of months or so and this was our most recent read. We had differing of opinions on this book.  Warning- the "F" word will be written and commented on throughout this post. If you are offended by that word I apologize in advance and recommend you either substitute the "F" word for a different one when reading on or just bypass this post. 

My hubby's  brief commentary/review was- this is me paraphrasing what he said- " I almost stopped reading within the first chapter.  F*ck was throughout the chapter so much it was annoying, distracting, and just too much.  I thought the author kept on saying the same thing over and over and the book was not well organized".  OK that is me paraphrasing what he said- it's been like a week ago and my memory is pretty much jello. 

I however, had a totally different reading experience.  Yes I agree that the F*CK word was written a lot in the first chapter, but after that it pretty much was once a chapter if that.  I didn't think the book was disorganized, but I think it is written in a different style than my husband is used to.  You see the author- Mark Manson, is really known for his blog posts.  He lives in New York City and has a following of over two million readers.  This book read like a elaborated blog post. 

I think I enjoyed this book because it is where I'm at in life- I want and have priorities and the rest of the excess "chatter" in my brain needs to go away so I can focus on the things that are important.  I also am known to spend way too much time on things, people, events that don't warrant my time/thought.  There were several passages that really spoke to me during this reading and so I couldn't wa to share.  Here they are...

pg 13 Look, this is how it works.  You're going to die one day I know that's kind of obvious, but I just wanted to remind you in case you'd forgotten...And in the short amount of time between here and there, you have limited amount of f*cks to give.  Very few, in fact.  And if you go around giving a f*ck about everything and everyone without conscious thought or choice- well then you're going to get f*cked.

I've been trying to work on really making each day count and focus on the present and making sure my daily actions are in line with my focus/my priorities, because life is short and then you die.

pg 17 Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a f*ck about what's truly f*ck worthy.  

Work in progress, but much better at 41 years of age then I was at 31 years of age.

pg  30 'Don't hope for a life without problems,' the panda said. 'There's no such thing.  Instead, hope for a life full of good problems.

Yep- life is messy and hard at times and you have to decide the amount of time, effort and brain power you will give to a problem.  Make the problem worth the work, worry and time spent on it. 

pg 37 Because happiness requires struggle.  It grows from problems.  Joy doesn't just sprout out of the ground like daisies and rainbows.  Real, serious, lifelong fulfillment and meaning have to be earned through the choosing and managing of our struggles.  

pg 40 Who you are is defined by what you're willing to struggle for.  

If you want to run a marathon you have to train for one and be willing to struggle through that training.  If you want to be the highest paid staff in your office you have to be willing to put in the sweat and tears for your work.  If you want to be a successful parent and have a good relationship with your child you have to work hard at it.  If you want to be best friends with your partner (husband, wife, etc) you have to work at it- we aren't living in fairy tale land. 

pg 79 If you want to change how you see your problems you have to change what you value and/or how you measure failure/success.

pg 86 Good values are 1)reality-based, 2) socially constructive, and 3) immediate and controllable.  Bad values are 1) superstitious, 2) socially destructive and 3) not immediate or controllable.  

pg 87 You'll notice that good, healthy values are achieved internally.  Something like creativity or humility can be experienced right now.  You simply have to orient your mind in a certain  way to experience it.  These values are immediate and controllable and engage you with the world  as it is rather than how you wish it were.  Bad values are generally reliant on external events... while sometimes fun or pleasurable, lie outside your control and often require socially destructive or superstitious mean to achieve.  

Good = internal    Bad=external

pg 91 If you're miserable in your current situation, chances are it's because you feel like some part of it is outside your control- that there's a problem you have no ability to solve, a problem that was somehow thrust upon you without your choosing.  When we feel that we're choosing our problems, we feel empowered.  When we feel that our problems are being forced upon us against our will, we feel victimized and miserable. 

pg 94 There is a simple realization from which all personal improvement and growth emerges.  This is the realization that we, individually, are responsible for everything in our lives, no matter the external circumstances.  

We are responsible for everything, we are responsible for everything, we are responsible for everything!
In a world that people are so quick to point fingers or have excuses due to other's actions I think this is a mantra we all should say out loud or in our heads daily- me included.

pg 119 Because here's something that's weird but true: we don't actually know what a positive or negative experience is.  Some of the most difficult and stressful moments of our lives also end up being the most formative and motivating.  

pg 154  Our most radical changes in perspective often happen at the tail end of our worst moments.  It's only when we feel intense pain that we're willing to look at our values and question why they seem to be failing us.  We need some sort of existential crisis to take an objective look at how we've been deriving meaning in our life, and then consider changing course.  

I always feel like death reminds so many of us about changes we would like to make.  Death is a reminder of just how precious life is.  Wish we could maintain those thoughts and "life changes" after the pain and memory of the death ceases.  I think as said above we all should take that "crisis" and really reflect and decide what is it that gives us meaning in life and then make the sometimes tough changes to make sure that is the path we are on. 

pg 161 If you lack the motivation to make an important change in your life, do something--anything, really--and then harness the reaction to that action as a way to begin motivating yourself.  I call this the 'do something' principle.  

Instead of waiting for motivation/creativity/aspiration instead act and then see what the outcome is and use that as aspiration/motivation to keep going.  A little different way to look at things.  I think a lot of us have dreams/hopes/aspirations that we spend a lot of time thinking about, but the action never occurs.  Hence, no action occurs and no dream/hope/aspiration can be produced.  If you do and do and do you then can evaluate the product of the action and move forward in further aspiration/motivation.  I liked the "do something" principle. 

pg 184 If people cheat, it's because something other than the relationship is more important to them. 

Thanks to Mark Manson for writing such a thought provoking book.  As you can see I busted out the good old page markers to keep track of all the great quotes I shared above.  Hope you gleamed a little something from my sharing of my favorite lines from this book.  Happy Reading!

November Reads

I LOVE this time of year.  The holiday decorations up, the lights and warmth from trees and candles, plus the fireplace glow just makes such a cozy environment to read in.  This past month I met my goal of 70 books "to read"  in 2017 and I feel great about that.  As always, though, I want to challenge myself more.  I'm hoping to put on the docket for next year -100 books in 2018.  We will see...

So in no particular order here are the reads for November.

The Queen of the Night by Alexander Chee

I picked up this book after getting to listen to the author receive the Paul Engle Prize Award winner for 2017.  This award was given to Alexander Chee during the Iowa City Book Festival in October.  The prize is given to those individuals who "represent a pioneering spirit in the world of literature through writing, editing publishing or teaching, and whose active participation in the larger issues of the day has contributed to the betterment of the world through the literary arts." (iowacityofliterautre.org) 

This book is a historical novel about an opera singer.  Lilliete Bernet is a famous Paris soprano opera singer.  She is a Falcon.  Falcon's are a type of opera singer is very rare and the definition I found is based on the original Falcon Cornelie Falcon who could sing a low A-flat to high D (2.5 octaves).  As Chee describes throughout the book, a Falcon's singing life can be quite short lived if specific voice rest and training are not followed, for too much singing/strain the voice can be lost for ever.

So you would think that this is an opera book, but truly this book is an EPIC love story.  I listened to this book on audio and I think I did Chee a diservice by "reading" this book in that form.  It was too EPIC for me to keep track of characters, happening, and what year in the life of Lilliete I was in.  The story spans years and the story has sub stories, sub plots, so many characters I felt like  I needed a cheat sheet with characters names and their relation to Lilliete.  I think if I could have read the book I would have been more present in my "reading".  I gave this 3 stars.  I plan to read  his debut novel "Edinburgh".  Pretty cool to here a author speak and read from his book and then go forward and read the book.  Very lucky to live where I do and have such great access to the art and literature.  

How To Think: A Survival Guide for a World at Odds by Alan Jacobs

This was my Blogging for Books (bloggingforbooks.com) read for the month.  I have already written my review in past blog post.  If you want the more detailed review I suggest you check that out.  Overall I was disappointed and didn't find this book very "readable".  I thought the writing was disjointed and I just didn't really get much insight from this read.  2 stars

 

Wishtree by Katherine Applegate

Katherine Applegate;s books one really can't go wrong for adults or kids reading pleasure.  This was our Van Waning/Gutierrez Family read for Thanksgiving holiday.  Grandma Sophie even got involved.  It was a meaningful story about what community and neighborhoods are made of.  What diversity can bring to a town/city/community- which is difference and learning.  The main character is Red, the Oak Tree.  Red is the wishtree.  Every year people from the community tie their wishes to Red's branches.  When a new family moves into town- across the street from Red- there are people who do not welcome this Muslim family.  You could substitute Muslim for any ethnicity, race, or religious following that isn't the norm in our country.  Katherine Applegate has a way of talking about tough subjects in ways that all can understand and she shows us what the obvious answer is to inability to accept those of difference- love and friendship.  The animals who live in Red also have great voices and bring a lot to the story.  We all liked the story.  4 Stars.  

The Good Sister by Drusilla Campbell

This was our book club read for the month.  I gave it 3 stars.  It was great story line and a subject matter that I feel is important and could have more written about it: post partum depression, depression, and mental health issues that occur due to child hood adverse events.  Why I didn't give this book more stars was I felt the writing could have been cleaner and more in depth.  I really liked "the good sister", Roxanne, and felt her character could have had more "punch".  Her sister, Simone, clearly was suffering from depression after so many babies (her husband wanted to keep trying until that 'boy'- UGH!).  However, Simone, even as a child had developmental delay and learning difficulties which added to her being a "mess" of a mother. 

This story also sheds light on how we can enable those we love.  Roxanne did this all the time, throughout the book, and almost lost her marriage over it.  I think this part of the book could have also been further developed.  It was a good/easy read, but I just wanted more to the writing/reading experience.

Bonfire by Krysten Ritter

This was a 5 start book for me.  I read it very quickly due to wanting to know what was going to happen.  I liked the story line, the main character- Abby Williams, and the writing was clean and believable.  It reminded me of "Erin Brokovich" meets "Girl on the Train" or "Gone Girl"- accept not as heavy and twisted.  I also kept on thinking of the term "mean girls" throughout the reading of the book.  Why are girls so mean to other girls- especially in high school?  Abby Williams has so much baggage from high school and she gets to reopen that suitcase when she returns to her town to investigate possible environmental illegality with the main company in town.  She is no longer the awkward high school student, she is now a successful environmental protection lawyer.    Her return to the town brings back a flood of memories and with it some current day revisiting of those people from her past.  I also liked the backstory with her own father which was highlighted during the story.  I was so engrossed with the story that I didn't even think twice about the author.  The author is an actress and also is in a rock band.  I think her acting experience may have given her some great writing skills on how to make the characters seem truly believable. 

Side note- I really enjoyed this book and so pushed my husband into reading it.  He didn't have the same reading experience.  He thought the story line was too sophomoric and didn't intrigue him much at all.  Just goes to show you we all can come out of a reading experience differently.  

I Am The Messenger by Markus Zusak

This is a book I've been looking forward to reading for quite a while as I loved "The Book Thief" the author's first book.  I gave this book 4 stars.  The main character, Ed Kennedy, early in the book comes across as a "loser"  He doesn't doesn't seem to have much focus, goals, or priorities in life.  He is a taxi driver, barely making a living, who lives with a horribly smelly dog. He hangs out playing cards with this three friends.  He is obsessed with the one friend and wants their friendship to be more, but never seems to have the gumption to go after that desire.

However, that changes after he stops a bank robbery.  He then receives his first ace in the mail- yep a playing car- with a message.  The message is an address.  I thought the use of the playing cards with a street address was perfect for Ed's character, a taxi driver.  Ed decides to see what the message on the cards entails and becomes the messenger. Her reminded me of a current day Robin Hood.  He helps the needy, those in unsafe situations, and those who don't have much money.   My biggest complaint with this book was I had a lot of unanswered questions even after finishing the book.  This theme was supported by other readers I'm connected with.  I think this is Markus' style.  He likes to make you "think".  I gave this book 4 stars.  If you have to pick start with "The Book Thief" first and then try this one out.  

Lab Girl by Hope Jahren

Another Audiobook for November.  I thoroughly enjoyed this book.  I gave it 4 stars.  The book is mainly about Hope's building three labs in which she is head scientist and studies trees, flowers, seeds and nature's growing process.  You think you are reading a book about plant life and growth, but it is filled with so much more: the hard work and hard life of a scientist, what happens when mental health issues and life mix, and the amazing relationship that is built with her lab partner Bill. I found this book entertaining, educational and at times gut wrenching.  Real life stuff- real good stuff!