Braving the Wilderness
The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone
by Brene Brown
4 stars. I've been trying to read through my physical "unread" shelves in our reading room. This book was gifted to me last year and with the recent COVID-19 pandemic upon us I felt like the title was speaking to me. So I picked it up and read it pretty quickly. I love Brene's honesty, empathy, and her ability to share how her research has not only impacted her work, but her personal life/well-being too. I was not surprised to be using many of my book darts (see what these gems look like).
Think of them as paperclips, but much kinder to our book's pages as a way to mark quotes/lines that the reader finds interesting.
This book, I feel, is about finding your true self/authenticity, and belonging to yourself and no one else. I think it takes a very brave, courageous, driven person to find their true belonging. Here are some of my favorite lines from this book.
pg 6 The need to fit in and the ache of not belonging was one of the most painful threads in my own life. I couldn't accept the idea of "belonging nowhere" as freedom. Feeling like I never truly belonged anywhere was my greatest pain, a personal suffering that threaded through most of my pre-adult life.
pg 25 I can confidently say that stories of pain and courage almost always include two things: praying and cussing. Sometimes at the exact same time.
pg 35-36 Four Elements of True Belonging:
1. People Are Hard to Hate Close Up. Move In.
2. Speak Truth to Bullshit. Be Civil.
3. Hold Hands. With Strangers.
4. Strong Back. Soft Front. Wild Heart.
pg 40 True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share you most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn't require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.
pg 46- Sorting Ourselves Out
As people seek out the social settings they prefer- as they choose the groups that makes them feel the most comfortable- the nation grows more politically segregated- and the benefit that ought to come with having a variety of opinions is lost to the righteousness that is the special entitlement of homogeneous groups. We all live with the results: balkanized communities whose inhabitants find other Americans to be culturally incomprehensible: a growing intolerance for political differences that has made national consensus impossible: and politics so polarized that Congress is stymied and elections are no longer just contests over policies, but bitter choices between ways of life.- Bill Bishop
pg 48 The sorting we do to ourselves and to one another is, at best, unintentional and reflexive. At worst, it is stereotyping that dehumanizes.
pg 58 In the case of the United States, our three greatest fault lines- cracks that have grown and deepened due to willful neglect and a collective lack of courage- are race, gender, and class.
pg 67 But what we know now is that when we deny our emotion, it owns us. When we own our emotion, we can rebuild and find our way through the pain.
pg 75 We must never tolerate dehumanization- the primary instrument of violence that has been used in every genocide recorded throughout history.
pg 87 "This is who I am."
"This is where I am from."
"This is my mess."
"This is what is means to belong to myself."
pg 102 To know you can navigate the wilderness on your own- to know that you can stay true to your beliefs, trust yourself, and survive it- that is true belonging.
pg 144 Facebook was the catalyst. Face-to-face was the connection.
pg 149 We can spend our entire life betraying ourself and choosing fitting in over standing alone. But once we've stood up for ourself and our beliefs, the bar is higher. A wild heart fights fitting in and grieves betrayal.
pg 160
- Belonging is being somewhere where you want to be, and they want you. Fitting in is being somewhere where you want to be, but they don't care one way or the other. (Side note- this line reminded me of my friend Cheryl who stated "when I turned 40 I decided I get to pick my own friends"- look for those who want you there and who you want to be with).
- Belonging is being accepted for you. Fitting in is being accepted for being like everyone else.
- If I get to be me, I belong. If I have to be like you, I fit in.
If these quotes have enticed you into reading this book I would love to hear what you think and if you started living differently after reading her book. This book made me think about life, about being myself and finding true belonging in my own skin/being.
