Yesterday was one of those days...

I decided to have a pity party and be grumpy and crabby and irritated all day. 

Reasons for my "party":
1. My knee was swollen.
2. Walking is a horrific feat at this time.
3.I felt like I wasn't making a difference in the care of patients I saw.
4. My oldest is a crabby morning kido and so not a fun way to start the day- lost it on him when he barked at his happy, smiling, morning sibling "What are you looking at- WHAT!" (Side note- getting on a  crabby morning kid about being disrespectful and non-loving to his morning sibling doesn't help the situation- note to self)
5. My weight has hit an all time high. (secretly hoping 5 lbs of it is the swelling in my right leg :))
6. Nothing seemed to shake me out of my funk- not the cinnamon roll I chose with my coffee purchase for breakfast (this was chosen over the yogurt/granola I had packed and brought from home)- hence why #5 is the way it is.
7. Really frustrated with my lack of ability to do house stuff- help hubby out- be more active mom with kids, etc.
8. Even my go to feel goods, books, haven't done it for me this week.
9. My writing is floundering around like a fish out of water and I feel less dedicated- like I'm just writing to say I've checked at least one activity off my list.
10. Not seeing any improvement in ab/tone with my 30 day Ab challenge- again maybe #5 is the reason.

So I did what I always seemed to do- wallowed, ate crappy food, talked to my sister (who is a great "you need to get your big girl pants" on pep talker), had dinner with my kids- separately due to kid's activities, started reading a new book (which is a double bonus because it is about writing and had great ideas, comments, and life stuff in regard to reading and writing), found an awesome blog called pragmaticmom.com (full of reading book ideas- lists based on age, genre, etc for kids) and then finished the night with Harry Potter- book 3. 

Another side note- don't think I'll ever be a cult Harry Potter fan, but reading these books is another way I can connect with my crabby morning kido.  And the books have improved as the series has gone on. 

So today is another day and I've stayed home from work due to no patients in our clinic and a recovery day of healing from being on feet yesterday- knee feels better and I feel better.  Lesson learned- OK to have a pity party day once in awhile, but oh so nice to wake up with a whole new attitude and ideas on how to attack the things I want to change.

Week 6 +4 days...

Well great news on Friday when I went to the doctor- I'm free of crutches.  My tibia is healing well and they are super happy with my range of motion.  They being my surgeon and PT. 

So after he said I could walk no brace, no crutches I started.  Wow was that a gut check.  I don't know why I thought I'd just walk normal after major knee surgery and no weight bearing for 6 weeks. I couldn't believe my gait.  My awkward stance and stepping.

I feel like I'm walking like a person who needs knee surgery not had surgery.  My gait is really quite comical.  No offense to my father and father in-law (one has had hip replaced and the other likely needs something on his hip) but I'm walking like them, but much slower.  They'd beat me in a foot race. 

My first day was awkward, but I felt like it was going to get better.  My biggest issue wasn't my knee but the fact that my right foot felt like it was permanently asleep.  Again thanks to no weight bearing for 6 weeks the pressure of my body weight into that right foot was waking up nerve endings that hadn't been activated in a awhile.  So most of Friday I thought I was walking gimpy because of the fact I couldn't find good footing on my half asleep right foot. 

The next day I got up and had more feeling in that right foot, but again felt really gimpy.  I lurched around the house trying to do things I hadn't done in 6 weeks without major help: laundry, picked up bathroom, made breakfast, etc.  By mid afternoon I looked down at my knee and it was really swollen.  Through all of the past 6 weeks I really haven't had extreme swelling, so to look down and see my right knee twice the size as my left was a little concerning.  So up my feet went, on went the ice and took some Tylenol.  The rest of the day was just me again feeling disconnected from the family because mom can't play basketball, football or hand-ball in the basement with the rest of the gang.  Mom is back to being crabby because her knee is swollen and she can't walk. 

I headed to bed hoping a nights sleep would help the swelling go down and my spirits to lift.  It worked for awhile this morning when I awoke.  My knee looked less swollen, but my calves hurt like someone had made me do 100's of toe raises.  Again a reminder that I hadn't used these muscles for 6 weeks.  So I took it easier today, more time with my feet up and even took a nap this afternoon.  Those who know me know that for me to take a nap is a sign I'm exhausted- this case both mentally and physically. 

So of course my mind starts to spin and I wonder "now what".  I'm so inpatient, I'm so tired of this and getting frustrated.  Worried about how the heck I will gimp around work and when I'll be able to get back to normal daily living activities.  When I'll be able to walk with a normal gait.  I'm laughing at the fact I was asking my surgeon about when I'll be able to run again, when I can't hardly take a step without wincing.  This too shall pass.  I know I have so much to be thankful/grateful for, but I'm having a moment of self-pity and then will move on.  I hope to look back one day in the not to far off future and laugh at how quickly I came back to my real life- my running life.   

October Reads

I had a very productive reading month because, well, that was about all I could do lying on the couch and recuperating.  I read some great books and really, truly, believe like friends, these books got me through my 6 weeks non weight bearing.  I also discovered that my book reading logs have been a little off kilter.  When I put a book into my "want to read" pile on the goodreads site that date stays as the "read" book date unless I physically go in and change the "read" date to the date I have read it.  So what does this mean- well I haven't logged all my books appropriately.  So I'll first start out with some stragglers that I just haven't given their due. 

Flora and Ulysses: the Illuminated Adventure by Kate DiCamillo
I found this book to be quite entertaining with some heavy subject matter: divorce, finding yourself, imaginary/magical thinking.  I started reading this book out loud to my kids, but they just couldn't get into it.  So I finished it on my own.  Funny because my niece loved it!  Now that I've written this brief synopsis I feel like I'm having deja'vu.  Sorry if already told you about this one.

Help, Thanks, Wow by Anne Lamott
Another book that was just hanging in my "good reads" limbo.  Again feel like I've written about it, but alas here we go again.  I like her writing a lot!  I get her views on religion and being Christian.  I've read most of her nonfiction works, but yet to have read a fiction piece.  The premise behind this book are the three reasons you should pray: to say "help", to say "thanks" and to say "wow".  Love this!

My Salinger Year by Joanna Rakoff
Again sorry if this is double, but it was in "limbo" list too.  I really liked this book.  It was the time period of going from typewriters to computers in publishing firms.  This young lady tells her story of working for the publishing firm who had J.D. Salinger (aka Catcher in the Rye author) on their client list.  I really found this book interesting and highly recommend this memoir. 

How Reading Changed My Life by Anna Quindlen
She's another one of my favorites and I have enjoyed both her fiction and nonfiction.  This is a nonfiction book that gives stories and examples about Anna's love of reading and what it has meant to her life.  I'm drawn to these sorts of books- I wonder why :).

OK now to the real October reads:
In no particular order and in all truthfulness one of the best month's worth of reading I've had.  I guess someone knew I needed some great stories to keep my mind off things.

Phantom by Jo Nesbo
Harry Hole inspector series #9.  This was a good one and I was a little surprised by the twists that this book took. The Snowman is still my favorite, but this is a close second.  I'm onto book #10 and Jo is giving Louise Penny a run for her money on keeping me intrigued and waiting patiently for the next book and the next book in the series to come.  I would hate to see Harry Hole disappear as much as I would hate to see Armande Gamache (Penny's inspector).  These people know how to write character and add description to their narratives.

From The Mist by Kiki Thorpe
#4 in the Never Girls Mystery series.  My daughter especially enjoyed this one as the main character Kate was riding a horse throughout the story. 

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by JK Rowling
Son was happy to hear I finished and liked the 2nd book (I didn't really think the first one was all that).  We were able to discuss the story and better yet watch the 2nd movie.  Now I'm on the third.  Son and I are taking turns reading it out loud, but it isn't going as fast as he would like, again I won't watch the movie until I've read the book so I may soon be reading the book on my own.

The Bookman's Tale by Charlie Lovett
I really enjoyed this book.  It was almost a combo love story/mystery/book finder's and book producer's tutorial all rolled into one.  The main character Peter is eccentric and finds comfort in the arms of books.  His story of love for his wife and books combines to make for an interesting plot.  I highly recommend this read for anyone who enjoys mysteries and love stories.

Americana and Other Poems by John Updike
I'm trying, I'm really trying to read poetry.  I found these poems written very well with great description of different items, subjects, and places meaning anything to John Updike.  However, the poems all sort of had this either satirical, sad or angry tone and I just don't need any of that now.

In the Next Galaxy by Ruth Stone
Another poetry book.  I picked this one up because of her being from Roanoke, Virginia.   This is near where my father group up.  She has 13 books of poetry published and has received numerous awards.  I didn't really enjoy her work.  It just didn't do anything for me. 

The Girl you Left Behind by Jojo Moyes
Loved this book.  After reading Me Before You for book club I wanted to read more of Jojo's work.  A friend who knows me to well brought this book as a "get well" gift following my surgery and I devoured it.  The story line and characters are very different from Me Before You, but there are still the major players: loss, love, happiness, family, and finding one's self.  It starts during World War I, which I admit I'm lacking in historical knowledge, but also takes place in modern day.  So the flashbacks or jumps between time periods I loved.  I'm looking forward to reading many more books by Jojo.

Little Wolves by Thomas Maltman
This was our book club book for October.  It was very interesting story which took place primarily in a small town in Minnesota.  The main character Clara was going through a lot: new person/pastor's wife moving into town, trying to hunt down information about her mother, trying to become or figure out how to be a mother herself, make her marriage work and through it all determine who she was.  The characters in this book seemed very "rich" to me in the sense that I could very easily picture them in my imagination.  It is a mystery/suspense, but also a story of love.  I think you see a trend of books that make me happy in life: mystery with romance/love story intertwined.  Great book and great book discussion.


Whew!  That's it for October.  Reading is good for my soul and well being.  Looking forward to another month of healthy living through books in November- goal is one book/week.  We will see. 

Week Four

Back to reality.  Back to work this week, despite weight bearing on one leg.  It went pretty good.  I wasn't too horribly tired on Monday, but by Tuesday I was tired.  I had stayed up too late on Monday night and so paid for it Tuesday.  However, by Wednesday night, when with Bookies at book club I was fine.  I was reinvigorated.  I was then ready to tackle the rest of the week.

Physical therapy on Friday went well.  I was "pumped" to have been able to ride the stationary bike for 10 minutes- 0.5 miles.  Following PT I caught up with a friend and someone who's fully supported my triathlon endeavors.  It was good to catch up with her and just like time with the Bookies I was again empowered and re energized.  Later that day I went to my kid's elementary school and watched their Halloween Parade.  I looked ridiculous- sitting on my camp chair, but I was there and that's what mattered to them.  Following the parade my kids wanted to stay for after school party so I was chauffeured home by my good friend.  We stopped at her house and hung out for an hour before I had to go home.  It was so good to chat and be out of the house.  I had two great "friend chats" in one day.  These type of outings are what keeps me happy during this whole recovery process.  I'm very lucky to have such great people in my life.  My one friend then sent me a card with this great magnet- here's the saying. 

I don't know that I'm a butterfly, but I like to think that through my metamorphosis period with this recovery I will become surprised with the end point picture of who I am after all this.

 

Despite my "couch sitting" activity daily I'm also trying to stay motivated so have started another type of "training".  November is National Novel Writing Month.  If you decide to be apart of it your goal by the end of the month is to write 50,000 words in the month and have a first draft of a novel to show for it.  It is a very lofty goal, but I started today and did pretty good.  Goal is around 1,600 words/day and today my word count was 2,500.  Writing is something that makes me feel happy whether or not I'm very good at it does not matter to me at this time.  Along with the writing a lot in the month they also throw out the challenge to read a book a week.  I of course love any reason to read a lot so will hopefully read my four books by the end of November.  Soon to come is my October reads post.  It was a good month of reading.

I've never really been one to use word count, but comes in handy for NaNoWriMo.

 

Well have to go and fold laundry- woop, woop- lead such an exciting life, especially on a Saturday night.  Looking forward to an extra hour to read tonight :).