So I wrote a few weeks back that if I didn't make my goal of PR (personal best) for this 1/2 marathon I could look back and realize I hadn't followed the training plan to a "t" and I also hadn't done some other possible lifestyle adjustments that may or may not aid in my running (in no particular order of importance- didn't give up sweets, pop, or alcohol).
I think that post was foreshadowing of what was to come. My run Sunday morning wasn't my best or close to it. I ran the 13.1 miles in 2:06:18. It was a different race, a little atypical for me, from the standpoint of hype and emotional connectedness to the race. I mean that within the first mile or two I was worried I was going to "bonk" (mentally not be able to physically power through the 13.1 miles). I just wasn't feeling my music, or the pace, even though I was running at a fast clip at the beginning- looked at my Nike GPS watch at one point and was doing 8 min miles. I powered through the first three miles and felt really pretty good after finding my pace and my music. I thought around mile 5- I'm definitely going to PR. How the thoughts and ability can change. I was at the 8 mile turn around and started to feel heat exhaustion. I was sweating despite the cloud cover at mile 2- dripping from my forehead under my brimmed hat. So by mile 8 not only was I totally sweaty, but I smelled ripe. Then I saw someone going down. These girls were trying to help their friend walk and I started yelling "Lie her down, Get her down". They did and about 0.5 miles later there was a young lady lying on the side of the path, pretty out of it again with friends at her side trying to have a onlooker call someone for help/transport. So besides being totally "HOT" I also let those two pictures get into my head and I started thinking what if I am not really "bonking", what if my symptoms and desire to walk so darn bad are true needs, not just mental. I decided that if my heat exhaustion continued and any dizziness occurred I'd stop running. I did walk through the water stations and refueled with Gatorade and then water each time, while also dowsing myself with cups of water and running on. I finished strong like I always seem to do coming down the straight away. However, it just wasn't my day. I was emotionally spent more so than physically.
I haven't had this happen ever, but I started to get teared up with frustration, disappointment, and self doubt after crossing the finish line. Why didn't I train smarter, why can't I run faster? The two biggest questions I asked myself throughout that day following the race.
Me following the race- bomb pop in hand with the beautiful Chi-town sky line behind me.
Husband, aka coach, reminded me that I ran well, that I always make comments like this after a race, and that I see the negative not the positive. He was right, but I just couldn't let it go. If I wanted to improve so badly why didn't I ever go the whole 9 yards and train to my fullest along with proper nutrition, etc. If I would give it my all then I could never doubt my training or my work ethic- I would know I had done my best.
So I am trying to figure out what that "best" is and what I will be satisfied with in knowing with upcoming races/goals I've given my all. I've taken the week off. Next week I start on my tri-training schedule for the tri at the beginning of August. Then I will have my last race of the year at the end of October- another 1/2. My plan is to train for the tri and then following that get back on the training schedule for the 1/2.
So although disappointed in my run/time on Sunday I move forward with motivation to do better and be healthier. Now don't you worry I'm not going totally junk free- had fries tonight with my grilled chicken sandwich. But I'm going to try better and live healthier in hopes in helping me be stronger and faster.
I pulled this quote out of the "mental pick me up" jar, my sister gave me for Christmas, today. I thought this was a pretty telling sign and a kick in the rear to get refocused and move forward.
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